messy, moody, meltdowns

so i actually finished the two cleaning/organizing books- got some super great tips that i cant wait to implement once i get control over my house, and have finally had a chance to escape back into my happiness project book, and im glad because it has been a while.. let me first say that i still absolutely love love love the book, however i was starting to become a bit doubtful- how can someone truley be so positive all the time, and focus on happiness constantly... my life is crazy at times, and i sometimes dont feel like i have the time to notice what im wearing let alone remember to notice the small things, and enjoy the happy things around me... to me it was beginning to look like the Duggars (you know the family with 19 kids)- everything always seems happy, and pleasant all the time, very orderly and happy...COME ON- seriously i want the cameras to catch them on a chaotic day when the little ones are screaming, and the big ones have attitudes...that is my life...minus 16 kids. i so totally admire Gretchen(the author of the happiness project) for the persistence she has in the project, and someday strive to be more like her with organization and such, but (here comes the evil party pooper in me) even as i try to be more positive and organized-forces beyond my supermom control  (hahaha) keep me from being super sickening happy all the time... and finally she has had a breakdown in the book!  HALLELULIA!
     Somedays i dont want to be happy. Somedays i dont want to get out of bed. Somedays i feel like life craps in my house, and no matter how many times i clean it, or pick up, it is pointless. somedays my kids make it impossible to do anything or be rational at all. thus the name of my blog address...makesenseofmymess
     Here at home we are getting ready to have a big Halloween party for friends, (something we have never done before-and i am really excited about-nervous that it will be a boring ridiculous flop-but still excited) and planning it the month before was a challenge but major motivation to get my house in order because im very much an appearance person- i dont want to look like a horrible housewife. it is bad enough that im like 3 times the size i was in highschool. so- we had this plan to take a room in the house everyday and just clean it...yeah- never happened...great plan down the toilet partly due( no i will venture to say-mostly due to my 3rd shift working, sleep all day, cant finish a job he starts, husband-who i will add is the brains behind the room a day idea) now- i have 3 kids and psychotically enough i want another one, and my doc has put me on a bc to regulate me for a month to kick my cycle in the ass again...MOODINESS has entered my house like a bad cold. i admit that i have not been the most pleasant person, and i typically get crazy when it comes down to the wire with a cleaning deadline...but with 3 kids-that have been super needy lately, i feel like i cant accomplish anything around here. my though process in general with the house is that once we get it decluttered and cleaned, it will be easier to maintain as a whole. thus adding to my complete happiness goal. yeah- no...
      6 days till party and here i sit with a fussy teething 7 month old typing with one hand. looking around knowing that i cleaned my kitchen good yesterday, but seeing it this morning, you would have never thunk it. asnd seeing the remains of the closet project and laundry room project  my husband and i started-i know i have to finish them by myself.
      it starts when i roll out of bed. get to the bathroom, which i deep cleaned this week- finding 2 new toothpastes sitting on the counter from an early morning after work grocery trip my husband made this morning...while very much appreciated, why can he not move his arm a foot farther and put them in the drawer instead of leaving them sit there for me to put away.-  and of course after peeing come to find that the toilet paper roll is empty- wonderful!. then on to the next room with baby in tow because he wakes up and is instantly hungry- so is beginning to cry (i have to add that he really only crys when he is hungry, tired, or needs changed-but when it is one of those. buddy its right now) the dreaded dining room- the chronic catch all. i had the table cleared a few days ago and even had a pretty tablecloth on it, but now sits covered with adds, misc mail, school stuff that never seems to get put back in the school bag till i instruct it to, and a few odds and ends from the"lets go through this basket of crap finally"project -have to ignore it right now though on a mission for baby cereal to stop the crying... duh dum duh dum(cue jaws music)... entering the kitchen . that was mostly cleaned up last night since i could finally do the dishes after mike fixed the faucet. there sits cans of chef boyardee on the counter NEXT TO the pantry-why? open the damn door and put them in.  some people wish for the cleaning fairies to visit them at night. yes that would be nice, but id really like someone to just kill the destruction fairies that come to my house.. im not even going to look in the family room yet. its already been a freaking gorgeous morning i dont really need a straight jacket yet. it wont match my pajamas or smeared eye makeup that i forgot to take off last night.
     its beginning to look like clutter will be once again shuffled into hiding-dont judge, you know you all do it sometimes- and my house will appear to be well kept and clean all the while eating away at my insides knowing that thanksgiving is around the corner...the next deadline to attempt to get the house under control. why do i do this to myself?
     on top of my moodiness and my infants issues, my 3 yr old has been having major meltdowns lately... i mean like sit on the floor refuse to move, crying and screaming, wont tell me whats wrong, neighbors probably think im beating my kid, flipping out meltdown.
     I am sure these things all tie in to one another and feed off each other, so what do i do to get back to happy? again i sometimes just dont want to act happy and be the mom i want everyone to think i am.  sometimes i want to take the mom cape off and have a tantrum like courtney without a real explanation. i really do want to be happier all aorund, and i really do want order in my house, and life... but crappy days happen- alot i might add. so i am very anxious to see how gretchen makes it through situations like this. 
     i enjoy nothing more than holding my beautiful babies when they feel like being cuddly, but even my infant doesnt want to be happy today. ugh. 
     there is my bitch sesion for the day...if you can relate-leave me a comment on how you deal with crap like this- cause i need help... till then im going to go clean something because a clean house makes me happy, so maybe a clean something will make me feel a little better.....till i ramble again- have the kind of day you want to have! :)