a slug, motivation, and imaginary friends

i feel like i have been neglecting my own project... 

i was chatting with a very close friend today over txts discussing how our day was going...,sadly it was like  11 am, and i admited that i hadnt done a single productive thing. i was being lazy as i had been doing for the past oh- week.  she knowing me better than most people asked me "what about your happiness project"-
---it was like a caring slap in the face...lol... i realized a few things at that moment.  one- i get excited to have followers on here...the few that i have...but it amazes me to know that people actually take time out of their own lives to read about my craziness...i hope that at least a teeny bit of what i write about makes them stop and think about themselves, what makes them happy, or just appreciate little things that we overlook so much everyday...   and two- (the biggest one) i am starting to go off track on my own project. how can i fail at somethng i am in complete and total control of... seriously- even though day after day i can get up and do the routine things i do, and feel like a slug, that isnt what i want for myself or as an example for my kids...
today she was what i needed to hold myself accountable for my own actions.  motivation- a major lack-there-of ... 
     why waste my day away when there is soooo much that can be done to reach my goal of more order in my life...will i ever reach that goal- most likely not, but that isnt a bad thing- it is more of a continous thing. something i can always strive for to make me a better person. there is a ginormous amount of satisfaction when i get something organized, even if i know it wont stay that way- for example my 12 yr old dresser drawers. but at least it is a moment out of my day i can smile and feel accomplished...lol its getting started that is difficult. what motivates you?

as i started straightening up my house, i found myself wandering... id start in one room- have a plan- then while putting something away into another room, i started an entirely different task in the new room, not having the first one finished... thus not really getting any of them accomplished entirely... so tomorrow i am going to try to start in one room and take a basket to put things in that go elsewhere in the house, resulting in me not leaving the room till the task at hand is done... lets see how that works... the second hurdle to this goal will be actually putting away the misplaced items and not leaving them in the basket!...lol 
i have tried making to-do lists... for some reason they work for me for like a day, then i never look at them the next day- if i didnt want to do the stuff listed that day, i know im not going to want to do them the next, explaining the reason they arent done yet!!! i need a solution to this issue i think. maybe if i organize my thoughts better the actual organizing will come easier too...

now- i actually started back in the book into the friends section... not through it completely yet, but sometime soon i want to start something that gretchen also began- keeping track of my friends better... so many times i find myself saying to someone i run into from growing up, and the conversation inevitably ends with us saying something like "we should have lunch and catch up, or call me and we can get the kids together" all of which is said with the best intentions but it is well known but not admitted that it isnt going to happen... and it is all due to lack of effort for me! i have really great friends, but i never see them... or maybe i should say i HAD really great friends, but i have been a terrible friend in reality. i really really want to make an effort to have the occasional lunch to catch up, or meet at the park with the kids.  gretchen started with birthdays, and i started thinking bout that too... i love to scrapbook, craft and make cards... what better way to do both... make cards and send them!  aagain... good intentions... i do need a bit more organization but ill work on it...

here is my happy tool for the day- i have been watching courtney play recently, she has now began playing with imaginary friends... it is so funny to listen to her talk to them... i used to have them too... i think alot of us still do, we just call it something else... the voice in our head that helps us make decisions, or tells us, go ahead buy that chocolate! i think we all need that everynow and then... (not just the chocolate)

thanks for reading... feel free to share with friends... ! (no- really- id love more comments, or even people to tell me im totally nuts) till i ramble again.... good night!

blue ribbons, pie thiefs, and slobber baths

This past summer i expanded my horizons, and tried my hand at making jams, and baking for my aunts produce stand... i experience a produce auction and got hooked, earned my first blue ribbon at the county fair (5 actually!!!), and decided it was time to do something about my mess...lol  ambitious but im so glad i did it!

the wall of jams, jellies, and preserves

I have come to realize that i really like cooking, and am slowly adding to my collection of gooseberry patch cookbooks...they are wonderful...they are great for the farmers market finds!  i am also realizing that i really really miss scrapbooking, and need to get back scrapping again! these 2 hobbies paid off at this years county fair... now, i have never entered any individual items in a fair before, and was super psyched to see that i actually won some ribbons!!! i entered 4 jams... 2 of them didnt place at all, but 2 got blue ribbons!!!  i was so excited, i jumped up and down squealing like a little girl! not too shabby for my first year making jams!!! scrapbooking also paid off... it is one of my passions, and hopefully i will be starting a blog about that too sometime, but i entered 3 layouts this year, and woohoo... all 3 got blue ribbons!!! it really helps in the "lets get re-motivated" area! 

    other entries were in crafts- i entered a barn star that i decoupaged with family pics- which took a second place red ribbon, and i entered 12 photos in the photography categories... didnt snag any top places, but 7 of them got honorable mention ribbons!!!  the past couple years i have dabbled in senior pics... did my cousins and then a friend of his at the time... they all turned out great, and i hope to do more in the future...maybe even a wedding or 2... we will see... 

    the funny part of the fair happened at this years baking contest... i entered again with my aunt- the theme was pecan pies... everyone had to follow the same recipe, which in itself baffled me- wont they all taste pretty much the same? duh? apparently not... didnt win this year either, but will keep trying... but here is how it went... there were 20 entries... each entry is given a number... there are 3 judges... a little lady cuts a piece from each pie... each judge tastes each piece and scores it... after the judges taste one piece, it is set on top of the pie case that they are behind- in order of their number... sounds simple enough... the end result is a line of half eaten pieces of pie... upon the judges tasting number 16, the lady noticed a space where one of the pieces sat... here a little old man had taken one and walked off eating it... funny thing was it was my aunts!!!   why he would think they were giving half eaten pies as samples is beyond me, but he was content eating it with his fingers...lol... all the judges and the small gathering of observers got a good laugh... 

there is a certain atmosphere at county fairs that is a laid back, enjoy life kind of aire... seeing baby animals, fried fair food, (when else it is acceptable to eat that and not feel guilty?)  watching carnies set up their games and rides, and taking a step into country life and out of the city bustle for a day...  i already cant wait for another one!

so ive taken a few days off from my book im reading, but am anxious to start it again... im over the friend section intimidation now... i am now hoping to be able to relate to gretchens thoughts and become a better friend myself... i ordered a copy of the book for one of my best friends, and am so excited for her to get it... i hope she likes it as much as i do... its nice to share experiences with someone...  i think it will also help hold me more accountable for my goals. my next goal is to buy her little boy some playdough!!! lol... which by the way courtney has played with every day since that post!!! and can you believe it, im still alive...lol

speaking of courtney- she started gymnastics this week too... and let me tell you, i loved watching every minute of it. she has never gone to preschool or been in any structured activity really, and i was a little nervous to know how she would do, but she did great...and now our little blue tumbling mat has become a part of out living room, and we get pretty constant sommersault entertainment... no matter how many times she wants to show me, i am determined to watch, and be excited for her.

football is going well for jacob, and he is plugging away at school so far. i am more proud of him now than i have ever been... he is really showing incredible improvement now that he is in middle school... unfortunately my fear of him growing up is starting to get to me... lol. just today while napping with mason, i had an awful dream of him having an accident when he starts driving... so- he isnt allowed...       ...    ....    ...... oh ok... fine, i guess he can, but he isnt allowed to drive a little green neon with a sunroof...lol. dont ask- it is my warped mind and the crazy dreams it has.  

mason is growing by leaps and bounds, but today he was very needy and wanted to be held most of the day... he ran a slight temp most of the day, and his tummy was a bit upset... he is entering the lovely phase of teething... i can honestly say i dont think i have ever seen more slobber come from a baby than i did today...it was dripping down his arms off his elbows, and of course i was covered after holding him, but i cant turn down cuddles and baby kisses... even if i had to have a towel nearby to dry off after my bath... luckily the little guy is happy through it all so far... 

got to get back on track with my happiness project for myself, so here is to happy reading, and rambling again soon!!!

hot slides, prince charming, and bottled serenity

Morning ! hope everyone slept well because i didnt... woke up about every hour and a half for no apparent reason... and im really not an early morning person, but if i sleep good, i do actually like mornings... there is something peaceful about mornings... when the world is just waking up...the quietness- you know the one before the 12 yr old busts out the door feeling like he is running late cause he fell back asleep, the dog that instantly needs to go out when he hears the front door open,  and then the baby starts talking to himself and anyone listening through the baby monitor in his own little babble "um, hello mother... im here and im hungry" and occasionally the ka-thud of the 3 yr old who rolled over and fell out of my bed that she has crawled up into late at night or earlier this morning. she is stealth i swear some mornings... youd never know how she mysteriously appears next to me...lol...

yesterday i did manage to take a walk with mason and courtney to the park that is about 2 blocks down from us... we pulled out the double stroller and left. it was a bit warmer than i expected, so i didnt figure we would stay out long... but we got there and courtney got to swing for a little bit. the big slide on the playground was hot so the one time she went down it, was the last time she went down it. i couldnt convince her- the girl who loves slides, and all things playground- to try again. we even tried mason in a swing... still a little too small but made for a cute pic anyway.

so after we played for a little bit, we decided to take a walk through the park too, to see where the path led us, since ive never been.  the path itself didnt go too far, but there was a trail- brilliant me thought ok, we can try it, the stroller pushed easily through the playground mulch, and the trail looked similar...yeah- no- not quite as easy... ha!  but we forged ahead . mason was so content laying in the stroller watching the trees go by. he loves being outside. courtney enjoyed looking for squirrels, and birds. we even saw a toad or frog, not sure which one- that she decided to name prince charming.

it was really nice walking through the woods... there is a calm... a quiet serenity that overtakes you. almost like time stops and you dont have cares or worries for a moment- you know some people want to bottle up the energy from a spastic child, but i think id rather bottle this amazing serenity... i need more moments like this in my day...where i can just take a deep breath and really appreciate my surroundings. i have to learn to stop every now and then and reassure myself that things will be alright- even if the living room toys are overwhelming me, and the laundry is sitting in baskets all over the bedroom. i have to tell myself that the world isnt coming to an end because no one seems to know how to change the roll of toilet paper, or replace it for that matter, or courtneys clothes get covered in sidewalk chalk because a budding artist has been hard at work...i have to remember to just breathe.

so one of my efforts in my happiness project is going to be- try to infuse each day with a little moment of serenity, where i take a deep breath and notice things that i would have missed being busy. what is a few minutes going to take away from the day?right?

well, after we got back from our hike, which is what it felt like- i thought i was gonna die. 2 kids in a big stroller isnt lightweight, especially uphill through mulch. we chilled out in the dining room and colored... 2 things off the kid to-do list checked!  and it really was nice to see courtney get excited when i offered our plans... and to my amazement she was better behaved yesterday than she has been lately...i guess that tells me i need to pay more attention to my kids- kind of a slap in the face to quit being so selfish i guess...

for now, im going to go rock mason , and enjoy his stinky piggies, share some mommy/mason time before courtney wakes up, then see what today holds...

im sure i will ramble again later...:)

crabby boys

you know it is extremely hard to try to be happy when you have a couple of grouchy, short tempered guys in the house...ughhh.  

puffy stickers, junk drawers, and carol burnett

when i was little, my mom and i lived at my grandmas house. this morning while i was laying in bed, i was thinking about things i remember about being there...these things may not intrest anyone reading this, but my grandma had a big window in her dining room that she had plants on, and at the holidays she would decorate the window seat with her christmas village... it was like a magical little wonderland that would captivate my interest to just stand there and look in wonder... why this popped into my head- who knows...

her bedroom was on the bottom floor of the house, and in the middle of the day, we would get a snack, and go flop...lol... her term for going and laying across the bed on our bellies and watch t.v....namely the carol burnett show... the way her room was set up was that if you lay across the bed you could look right out her windows into the side yard... and see the cherry tree, the cars going by the neighbors house, etc...  i think i will have to pick up a copy of the carol burnett show, i remember laughing so hard with her, even though im not sure i even understood some of the funnies in the show, but more so just getting tickled over her laughing so hard... laughing is contagious! 

another thing that sticks in my mind was the top drawer of her dresser- it was one of those shallow, jewerly like drawers... mostly that collected junk and this and thats... but it was like a treasure trove for me to explore... i think as i de-clutter things around here, i need to relocate all the little junkie stuff to one location for treasure exploring later...

my mom and i lived in the upstairs of that house- which to this day i love that house, and would love to go through it again... so many memories there... but upon going upstairs and turning to the right, you would find my room...but on the back of my door you would find my sticker collection...lol... maybe this was a tell tale sign that i would one day be an avid scrapbooker and still find delight in stickers, but i loved them... there was scratch and sniffs, which im sure looked pretty silly to stand and sniff a door, character stickers, i remember a few smurfs, and some rainbow bright... but my favorite were puffy stickers... a big yellow smilie face one imparticular... courtney also loves stickers, so maybe i need to find something like a blank journal book or notebook for her to put stickers in too... because usually her stickers go on her shirts and then she takes them off and they end up in the trash... because mommy wont let her stick them on furniture... lol...

why my brain decides to reminisce at 6.am  is beyond me, especially since i have a killer headache, i will never know, but i thought i should write it all down while i was thinking about it (well type it ) ... and now i hear my little man in his bed talking away... guess id better go make him some cereal, and probably start a to-do list...  have a great day!

happy list:

• puffy stickers
• carol burnett
• junky treasure drawers

unhappy list:

• migraines
• having to get up 3 times since 2 am to pee...
• stubbing your toe on the cabinet in the kitchen while looking for headache medicine

duct tape, happy people, and baby kisses

my oldest son is now 12... almost a teenager... it scares me to death, but i suppose ill get through it.. we get on him alot about being annoying making stupid sounds constantly, and of course the ongoing issue of his messy room...which yes it is dissorderly, but it could be alot worse... but since ive been thinking more about making the most of my kids childhood- since they wont be little forever- and he is not so little anymore...ive come to realize that it isnt so important to constantly be on him about it... its his room, why does it bother me so badly. now- im not going to let it get too out of hand. because he needs to have some responsibility in life for his belongings. but the crap he has in his room gets on my nerves, and i dont think it should... for example, he is in this mode of wanting to make stuff with duct tape...where my husband and i think it is ridiculous and stupid, i am trying to be sensitive to his feelings, and not roll my eyes too much in front of him...and im about to break down and buy him a roll of it just because...i have to keep reminding myself, and my husband that things that are stupid to us, are not so stupid to a 12 yr. old... i remember collecting gum wrappers, to make chains- a collection that served no real purpose and i thought it was pretty cool... im sure my mom thought it was dumb too...

    i really think that if i not let the little things get to me like stressing over junky stuff in jakes room, it will help me be happier in general and make the days a little happier for my kids too.

since jacob has started middle school, he also gets to start going to youth group at church... i actually got out of bed and got the kids ready to go to church this morning! we havent been there since like mothers day...mostly because i tend to be a night owl since mike works nights, and i am lazy and dont want to get up in the mornings.  but when i do go, i feel so much better afterwards... and i truly enjoy seeing people that go to my church... especially the happy ones...lol   you know those people that always seem happy, and just being around them tends to brighten your day...that is how the youth group leaders are...dave and mandy are so super nice, and always seem happy, greeting you with smiles and friendly faces... then there is my friend diane, she always makes me smile... it is so true a statement that if you surround yourself with happy people, you will be happier too.  they are the kind of people that i strive to be like. thought it really saddened me to hear that my always happy friend diane had been feeling blue lately, i never imagined it possible...and the people pleaser in me came busting out pulling out a little cheer me up kind of book for her... so why cant i do that for myself when i feel depressed?   depression really stinks... i am completely unmotivated to do anything, i cant seem to make decisions easily, and everything seems to get onmy nerves... all i want to do is sleep...   then is when i need the crotchety old woman to jump out of me and smack me in the face and tell me that im wasting away the blessings i have in my life... i need to implement one of gretchens rules... act the way i want to feel! 

back to my blue friend for a second... i gave her a book that i have had since college... it was 10,000 things to be happy about... basically it is pages and pages of little things, simple things, to be happy about...(some things wont apply to everyone, but others will) like- the smell of fresh cut grass, or bright colored kites in a bright blue sky, or making snow angels... just a few examples...  i had highlighted different random things in it but i havent read it in years... so i think im going to start my own list, some of which im sure are in that book somewhere, but these are things i think ill start listing at the end of my posts- things that have popped into my head sometime during that day for any reason- today for some reason, i just couldnt get enough of masons baby kisses... of course at 5 months he cant really kiss, but he opens his little slobbery mouth and smooshes it on my cheek...they are so sweet, and he gets so tickled! it makes me smile just thinking about it...

my happy list:

• baby kisses
• gumballs in a machine- like a miniature ball pit!
• my button basket- hundreds of buttons in a basket for crafting, love running my fingers through it
• satin ribbon
• farmers markets

i wish i had a record button for all the random thoughts that shoot through my head during the day, because i never remember everything i want to blog. oh well- be thankful, your boredom would last forever! lol...
till i ramble again...goodnight!

powdered sugar donuts, bathtub crayons, and sweet dreams

hey followers! the 6 that i have!!! and random readers. havent had a chance to read much the past couple days, ok, that isnt entirely true, i did manage to read a little in the organization book i have... only because im in a mood to go through and declutter after reading that section in the happiness project book... anyone get a copy yet???  well anyway, the little book is called  "The one-minute organizer: 500 tips for getting your life in order"  we will see about that...lol... it is actually a cute little helpful book...full of tips and ideas that really we all should do, but probably dont...  its one of those things that makes me feel good once it is done, but i dread starting it...- organizing... i love all the organizational bins and baskets that you can get at the stores, and i dream of one day really and truly being organized- you know like all those fake houses on t.v....
    my house seems to collect piles of things, papers, toys migrate, shoes end up everywhere, but the worst is my kitchen- i HATE my counters in my kitchen being cluttered... things get set down with the intentions of being moved, but never seem to get moved... the bad thing is, i cant stand being in my kitchen when it is cluttered... dont want to cook, dont want to do dishes, nothing- and i really like cooking, and baking... dishes dont bother me really as long as i have a counter to put them on.  every morning i get up and no matter how clean my kitchen is the night before, inevitably things appear on the counters... which starts me off on a sour note for the day.  boo on happy mornings... but oh well...
    so, back to my happiness book... i have to admit, another reason i havent read as much in it lately is the upcoming section... this next part of the book is when she focuses on friends... havent read it yet, but before i even start it, i can feel the guilt approaching... it is another one of those good intentions issues...but not following through because of different sorry reasons... its like the fun has been sucked out of me as i get older... that inner child that wants to come out and play is being beat to death by the old woman who will emerge sooner than she needs to.  i have a couple of friends who i call my best friends, one lives in another state, (which really sucks!!!!! cause we are soooo much alike and could really use each others shoulders at times) and the other doesnt live too far from me, but works full time and has 2 boys of her own, and we only get to see each other once or twice a month... then i have a handful of other friends that i talk to on occasion, but dont really ever see... i dont ever go out and hang out with friends like id like to, but im ok with it. i would love to make time each month to do something like that because i think everyone needs to, but life always seems to get in the way. then i have a few friends that i have always been close to growing up, and have really grew apart from, which is sad. i still feel like the same person i was when i was younger, but i know im not.    so being the emotional wreck i am right now anyway- i hesitate to start reading this next section.

i have been pondering my last post alot... trying to think back on my own childhood and what things really stick out as good memories growing up... i so badly wish for my kids the same kinds of memories...not ones like mom was grumpy, and we didnt do all the fun stuff my friends did...  unfortunately some of the memories i have growing up through my teen years kinda sucked...my parents were pretty strict, and i always had alot of chores(which isnt a bad thing- but mine was a bit extreme) and even my friends back then knew i wasnt allowed to do alot... i do love remembering good stuff like my grandma coming over every morning to take me and my neighbor to school (elementary) and she would bring me a chocolate eclair from a local bakery.  or my mom every night would tuck us in and put sweet dreams under our pillows...this was a happy thing that continued through college minus the tucking in part- silly maybe, but she would send little plastic containers full of nothing but marked "sweet dreams" and it never failed to make me smile... and then i realized i started doing that with courtney when she started sleeping in her big girl bed, but for reasons unknown to me, i stopped... there is that crotchety old woman sneaking into me again, and filling me full of bedtime bah humbugs... so a mental note to myself- find a spare box of sweet dreams to give out every night to my kids...

here is something fun that is well worth the 10.00 investment- bathtub crayons... courtney gets soooo grubby and dirty from playing outside and one of her favorite things to do is play with sidewalk chalk- which ends up on everything...       we have 2 full bathrooms in our house but only one we can shower in currently... the bathtub for the other one is brand new and sitting on end in the other bathroom. and until it is installed, (anyone feel like installing a bathtub? for free? or for dinner? or even a case of beer?)  we have to use the shower in the other bathroom... personally i love baths, and i loved baths as a child... bubbles, bubbles, and more bubbles... but bathtub crayons are great to draw on shower walls with! courtney loves drawing pictures for daddy so when he takes a shower later he can see her artwork. well, i have found another use for them...they make great messages on mirrors! i can scribble reminders on the mirror, or leave little notes for mike. (be them nice- or not so pleasant...lol) or if you are like me, i still like drawing pictures and doodles on the shower walls too...finally the inner child can come out, she needs to take showers too!

and last but not least- same basis as the hungry hungry hippo game... powdered sugar donuts... i usually steer clear of them, because im a lazy ogre and i try to avoid messes...well i bought some tonight! lol... and i smiled when i did it! despite the knowledge of the white mess that will await me, it made me happy because i know the kids will love eating them. and maybe we will even bust out the playdough tomorrow too!

btw- i think the makers of lucky charms needs to package the marshmallows from the cereal into snack packs... courtney asks for cereal to eat dry as a snack and i tell her she needs to eat the other part too, but it never fails- the cereal part sits in the bowl while the marshmallows magically dissappear...

oh well- someone will suggest it, and probably get rich...lol...

till i ramble again...thanks for reading.