pictures, being thankful, and baby tylenol

the end of yet another day... after bedtime battles that seem to be never ending, and all the kids are in bed, and the house is finally quiet, i sit here drained of all energy to do any housework-ish thing that now would be the most opportune time to do. i am very grateful that i wont be running around psychoticly cleaning my house for Thanksgiving dinner which i have here for my family every year. but i have come to realize this is something that i often time take very for granted.  thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for what we have, and who we are. too often i think we just shuffle it away as just another holiday to get together and  gorge ourselves with food. lol. dont get me wrong- the food is good, and the company is wonderful, but the meaning is lost, and we need to find it again.

we let so many little things bother us in life...for example...a few people in my family want to go through some old pictures that i have in the garage from my grandmothers house... which means i have to dig them out, and have them over to go through them...and i roll my eyes when i think about it, but really truely, i am thankful we have these old pictures, and should be taking every opportunity i can to go through them with family members and identify people in the pics so i have things to show my kids. i need to change my attitude completely about this, and graciously surrender a day for family history, instead of selfishly act like i have something better to do. which i dont.

i am so thankful that i have family that gathers at holidays, and are as close as we are. i love holidays, and want to instill the meanings of them in my kids, and how will i do that if i let them fly by just to get on with the next one.

 there are so many things i am thankful for in my life... even things that bring sadness to my heart. my mom... i am so thankful i had her while i did. but i am also thankful that she isnt struggling anymore. i am thankful that jacob got to know her for the 2 years he did. and i am thankful she celebrated holidays with me, otherwise i may not be the person i am now.

i am thankful for my family... my aunt, uncle,and cousins... they are like my second parents and siblings... they are there for me no matter what, and they are my support system for everything.

 i am thankful for my husband, even though we have had our ups and downs, i have put him through so much strife,and i can honestly say i am so thankful he didnt give up on me.
 im thankful for the beautiful children i have, 2 are his biologically, and 1 by heart...but you couldnt tell the difference. i am thankful for the life he has provided for us, we have a house, cars, food on our table, heat, clothes, and love.

 i am thankful for the father of the one child that isnt my husbands, and as weird as that sounds, had i not met him, i wouldnt have my son... he may be the end of my sanity- he is still my first baby and i love him with all my heart. and even though he is entering the phase of his life where mom and dad are idiots, and everything they say is stupid and unfair, i am thankful that i have the belief that one day he will realize we arent so bad.

 i am so very thankful for the best friends anyone could ever ask for... one of them, i dont ever get to see because she lives out of state, but we can talk about anything, and you would swear we were separated at birth, we are so alike... the others are nearby, and i love them with all my heart...our kids love each other, and we can approach them with anything, and they still accept us for us... not the weirdos we really are... lol... they are the kind of friends who will always be there, and we can always make each other smile no matter what we are going through. 

  i am thankful for all my siblings, even though we didnt grow up together, we have become so much closer recently and i pray that we continue to, for my kids and myself.

 i am also thankful for my church family... always accepting, supportive and ready to pray for anything that needs praying for. good people that know when you need a shoulder to cry on, or know when you just need a hug, or friendly smile, to make your day better. thank God for everything he has done for us.

 i am thankful for the country we live in, where i am free to post how i feel about things for the world to read. a place that allows me to have the things im thankful for, and make my own decisions. i am so very thankful for the people that have and continue to fight for our freedom. they are so seflless, we should all be so selfless.

i am thankful that i havent killed my children when they drive me to the edge of sanity...lol... just kidding... well no not really...hahaha... seriously... there are so many little things that daily we dont even think about living without...like electric. water. tv. internet (my sanity most nights). heat...  so i suppose i could get real detailed and go on and on... not like i havent already...lol

even though i still havent finished my happiness book, i am adding another thing to my happiness tool list... babies... there are so many new babies in my family right now, and they all make my heart smile... i think babies have the naturally born happiness that is contagious... can you seriously look at a baby and not smile? no matter how crappy a mood im in, mason always can make me smile. i am thankful for that too. in a quest for happiness it is nice to have something that you know will always make you smile. 

and i am extremely thankful for you all reading this... my few but mighty followers... it makes me happy to know that someone enjoys reading about my nonsense...lol    thank you!

one more thing- baby tylenol...very thankful for that... mason is teething, and fevers arent fun at 3 am. so to the makers of baby tylenol, i say thank you!

  so in case i dont post again till after thanksgiving... be thankful for what you have in your life... dont be hasty through the holidays, and stop to enjoy every minute you have with the people you love.

 happy thanksgiving!
 eat lots, but love more.   and be happy.

pajamas, ambition, and 3 yr old attitudes.

oh my goodness... here we are!!! Ive been in kinda a slump for inspiration lately... basically lost focus. But this morning, i actually woke up, not feeling like i needed to sleep the entire day. lately it seems that that is all i want to do. but despite the fact i was up till like 130 this morning, i actually feel pretty good. more mornings like this would be nice.  mason is feeling a little extra cuddly this morning too, which deffinately adds to the goodness of today. just watching him this morning has already started the day off well... after feeding him his jethro size bowl of baby cereal and bananas, you cant help but smile when you see him smile ear to ear when the dog walks through the room... He is completely fascinated with our dog. he will bend all sorts of directions to see him. it is cute.
   I have also decided that staying in my pajamas all morning, is leading to my motivational demise, and calls me back to sleep...hehehe. i realize that simply getting dressed makes me feel like getting something done, and when im forced to get dressed i reap the rewards...example... i watched my best friends little boy a few mornings ago...which meant i had to roll my butt out of bed and stay up...i was up, dressed, and ready for the day by like 7 in the morning, because that is when mason wakes up, but they were not here till like 8 i think, and boy was i productive that morning... before 9 am, i had inventoried our pantry, unloaded and reloaded our dishwasher (which eventually id like to do before bed in order to wake up to a non-dish filled kitchen), and swept the kitchen floor... shortly after i even mopped the kitchen!  now that my house is for the most part- completely cleaned from the haloween party, it has been much much easier to maintain it... there are a few areas that still need some work, but at least it isnt making me crazy anymore. our next big event will be Thanksgiving dinner here with my family.
  I am really hoping to get through the rest of the book this week too, since im not freaking out about the house and my goal is to not sleep all day, i plan on reading during naps... wish me luck... the call of the pillow is so tempting... and i still cant seem to get rid of mt. st. laundry... but oh well i need my exercise...lol

i am so loving seeing the leaves and fall decorations out, but hate the cold... i wish it could stay warm all the time... love the seasonal changes, but i am freezing!  im going to have to go long sleeve shirt shopping soon i do believe. and i can no longer put off packing up courtneys summer clothes, because no matter how freaking cold it is outside, she wants to wear shorts...she is deffianately a summer clothes girl in her flip flops...
every sunday as the paper is brought in- i get excited to see all the holiday ads... i am so excited to go shopping on black friday. i love bargains, and shopping, and buying things for people, so this day is totally fun for me... but this year i get a bonus! my brother and his wife are coming in to town, and i cant wait to see them again!

every day that passes, watching my kids grow amazes me how alike yet individual they are...mason is making new sounds every day, and being very vocal... jacob is scaring the crap out of me turning into a teenager, yet surprising me every day with something that hints at- maybe i did alright raisng him...and courtney- well courtney, my little princess cracks me up... some days i forget she is 3... she can carry on a consversation with us like a little adult, and then the next minute be throwing the biggest fit about something... watching her play pretend with her "real but imaginary" friends (the friends she has in her gymnastics and ballet classes- that arent at our house) throws me into childhood all over again...how simple it would be to entertain ourselves like that when we are bored...lol. a little looney in adulthood, but simplistic. and ideal to keep our friends with us all the time... yet there are moments that slap you in the face with"SHE is 3!" like last night... my husband and my son were arguing... and courtney was voicing her little self inbetween which was getting annoying amongst the bickering... and he told her to please be quiet... she replied with an "i dont have to be quiet" in a matter of fact sweet and sassy voice... he said "why dont you thinkyou have to be quiet?" and here is what she said....." because im the little boss" hahahahahahah i couldnt help but bust out laughing...and you know that was one of those times where it is so not appropriate to laugh...i guess i know who thinks she runs this house...
well- i think i am going to go cuddle with my babies a while... it feels nice to be back in the blog... hope to stop in more often again... looking forward to getting out of this depression im in and be happy again... i owe alot of that to my friends too- the coming out of not being in the depression... so here is a quote i saw recently that i absolutely love... have a great day!

"I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar."
Robert Brault

and here is a couple pics from trick or treating this year that always seem to make me smile...

messy, moody, meltdowns

so i actually finished the two cleaning/organizing books- got some super great tips that i cant wait to implement once i get control over my house, and have finally had a chance to escape back into my happiness project book, and im glad because it has been a while.. let me first say that i still absolutely love love love the book, however i was starting to become a bit doubtful- how can someone truley be so positive all the time, and focus on happiness constantly... my life is crazy at times, and i sometimes dont feel like i have the time to notice what im wearing let alone remember to notice the small things, and enjoy the happy things around me... to me it was beginning to look like the Duggars (you know the family with 19 kids)- everything always seems happy, and pleasant all the time, very orderly and happy...COME ON- seriously i want the cameras to catch them on a chaotic day when the little ones are screaming, and the big ones have attitudes...that is my life...minus 16 kids. i so totally admire Gretchen(the author of the happiness project) for the persistence she has in the project, and someday strive to be more like her with organization and such, but (here comes the evil party pooper in me) even as i try to be more positive and organized-forces beyond my supermom control  (hahaha) keep me from being super sickening happy all the time... and finally she has had a breakdown in the book!  HALLELULIA!
     Somedays i dont want to be happy. Somedays i dont want to get out of bed. Somedays i feel like life craps in my house, and no matter how many times i clean it, or pick up, it is pointless. somedays my kids make it impossible to do anything or be rational at all. thus the name of my blog address...makesenseofmymess
     Here at home we are getting ready to have a big Halloween party for friends, (something we have never done before-and i am really excited about-nervous that it will be a boring ridiculous flop-but still excited) and planning it the month before was a challenge but major motivation to get my house in order because im very much an appearance person- i dont want to look like a horrible housewife. it is bad enough that im like 3 times the size i was in highschool. so- we had this plan to take a room in the house everyday and just clean it...yeah- never happened...great plan down the toilet partly due( no i will venture to say-mostly due to my 3rd shift working, sleep all day, cant finish a job he starts, husband-who i will add is the brains behind the room a day idea) now- i have 3 kids and psychotically enough i want another one, and my doc has put me on a bc to regulate me for a month to kick my cycle in the ass again...MOODINESS has entered my house like a bad cold. i admit that i have not been the most pleasant person, and i typically get crazy when it comes down to the wire with a cleaning deadline...but with 3 kids-that have been super needy lately, i feel like i cant accomplish anything around here. my though process in general with the house is that once we get it decluttered and cleaned, it will be easier to maintain as a whole. thus adding to my complete happiness goal. yeah- no...
      6 days till party and here i sit with a fussy teething 7 month old typing with one hand. looking around knowing that i cleaned my kitchen good yesterday, but seeing it this morning, you would have never thunk it. asnd seeing the remains of the closet project and laundry room project  my husband and i started-i know i have to finish them by myself.
      it starts when i roll out of bed. get to the bathroom, which i deep cleaned this week- finding 2 new toothpastes sitting on the counter from an early morning after work grocery trip my husband made this morning...while very much appreciated, why can he not move his arm a foot farther and put them in the drawer instead of leaving them sit there for me to put away.-  and of course after peeing come to find that the toilet paper roll is empty- wonderful!. then on to the next room with baby in tow because he wakes up and is instantly hungry- so is beginning to cry (i have to add that he really only crys when he is hungry, tired, or needs changed-but when it is one of those. buddy its right now) the dreaded dining room- the chronic catch all. i had the table cleared a few days ago and even had a pretty tablecloth on it, but now sits covered with adds, misc mail, school stuff that never seems to get put back in the school bag till i instruct it to, and a few odds and ends from the"lets go through this basket of crap finally"project -have to ignore it right now though on a mission for baby cereal to stop the crying... duh dum duh dum(cue jaws music)... entering the kitchen . that was mostly cleaned up last night since i could finally do the dishes after mike fixed the faucet. there sits cans of chef boyardee on the counter NEXT TO the pantry-why? open the damn door and put them in.  some people wish for the cleaning fairies to visit them at night. yes that would be nice, but id really like someone to just kill the destruction fairies that come to my house.. im not even going to look in the family room yet. its already been a freaking gorgeous morning i dont really need a straight jacket yet. it wont match my pajamas or smeared eye makeup that i forgot to take off last night.
     its beginning to look like clutter will be once again shuffled into hiding-dont judge, you know you all do it sometimes- and my house will appear to be well kept and clean all the while eating away at my insides knowing that thanksgiving is around the corner...the next deadline to attempt to get the house under control. why do i do this to myself?
     on top of my moodiness and my infants issues, my 3 yr old has been having major meltdowns lately... i mean like sit on the floor refuse to move, crying and screaming, wont tell me whats wrong, neighbors probably think im beating my kid, flipping out meltdown.
     I am sure these things all tie in to one another and feed off each other, so what do i do to get back to happy? again i sometimes just dont want to act happy and be the mom i want everyone to think i am.  sometimes i want to take the mom cape off and have a tantrum like courtney without a real explanation. i really do want to be happier all aorund, and i really do want order in my house, and life... but crappy days happen- alot i might add. so i am very anxious to see how gretchen makes it through situations like this. 
     i enjoy nothing more than holding my beautiful babies when they feel like being cuddly, but even my infant doesnt want to be happy today. ugh. 
     there is my bitch sesion for the day...if you can relate-leave me a comment on how you deal with crap like this- cause i need help... till then im going to go clean something because a clean house makes me happy, so maybe a clean something will make me feel a little better.....till i ramble again- have the kind of day you want to have! :)

planting, progress, and procrastination

wow it feels like i havent posted in a while- oh i havent... duh...i think i need all my blog followers to send me little reminders to kick start my posting every now and then... i have come to realize that when i actually post
i am really taking the time to actively work on my goal...- blogging helps keep me centered on happiness- i am taking time to really think about the little things that i tend to overlook and take for granted.
that most likely was a big jumble of nothing to all of you, but in my warped mind it made perfect sense.
       i like the fact that as i unwind at the end of the day and reflect on what the day entailed, i smile. do you end your day with a smile? i know i dont all the time.  but i need to. i think ill add that to my resolution list- find at least one happy thing at the end of each day, even if the day was crappy, and be able to smile about something.  

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.  ~Andy Rooney
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.  ~Phyllis Diller

     just tonight as i was putting courtney to bed, she began a new phase- whining and begging for just one more song, one more favorite baby... a friend of mine recently posted a link to another moms blog talking about the same thing- kids putting us on guilt trips at bedtime... i giggled as i read it, and silently said thank you that i hadnt had to deal with it...HA! Even though i dread the nights to come and the evil mom i will be by not letting her get up just because she isnt sleepy, i still smile because i know she is growing up so fast...what is one more hug, or song sang to my sweet, innocent little obnoxious she devil...some day she wont want me to tuck her in...and btw- the sweet dream thing, didnt pan out... she said  "mommy, i dont want sweet dreams-im a yittle scared" maybe she just doesnt understand yet... ill keep trying...
    my 12 yr old on the other hand...lol  i know ive mentioned before the fact that he is really into things right now that we old crotchety parents(hahaha) deem to be stupid, but are pretty cool to pre-teens apparently... you remember gum wrapper chains, and pop tab collections...what in gods earth did we really do with them, what purpose did they ever serve- none. but they were fun.  jacobs thing right now- and i find myself rolling my eyes as i type...duct tape. he wants to make things out of it. a girl he went to school with made him a wallet out of red duct tape... seriously the boy doesnt have a thing to keep in a wallet, but oh well... he begged and begged a while back to use some to make something, and we adamantly said no- how mean are we! well- today while i was out shopping for our upcomming halloween party (so psyched about it) i found gobs of colored and patterned duct tape, and of course thought of him... and even though i really dont want to find duct tape crap lying all ove:) some of you might be aware we have had issues recently with him and attitude, and schooolwork- well, the light at the end of the tunnel is appearing i hope. his doctor started him on a med for adhd, and omg i think i have a new kid! he actually came home from school and said school doesnt suck as much anymore! i dont think i could have been any more relieved at that moment. that truely made me happy because i felt like i was losing that battle badly.
     so- im slow going with the book right now due to a thousand different things going on with the family, but i am determined to keep going on my road to order. i am however finding that road has soooooo many speed bumps, many of which i call mike...lol. my husband and self proclaimed procrastinator... major roadblock lately... im finding it really difficult to get some things accomplished that need to be done because of his lack of motivation... i know i cant change him, and i need to focus on myself, but it feels like a viscious circle... i know he would be more happier with more order here in the house, and i would be more happier if he would finnish something he starts, but how do i motivate him? i have problems motivating myself at times. this will deffinately take some thought. im constanly learning to pick my battles...
     i have been really trying to do small things each day to maintain the level of clutter at home...so far so good, i slack every few days, but it has been so nice to have the living room vaccuumed almost every day, and the kitchen counters cleaned off more often.(these have been a local catch all in the house) a clean kitchen makes me feel good...i love cooking and baking but only when my kitchen is clean and i have space. so i can happily say we have had several homecooked meals lately-which makes for a happier family. grabbing whatever we can find from the freezer or cupboard works occasionally, but i feel more incontrol when the kitchen is mine. one of gretchens resolutions is to do it if it takes less than a minute...for example if im unpacking a bag of groceries, instead of getting something out of the bag and putting it on the counter, it makes more sense to just put it where it goes instead. common sense i know- but before we would unload the bags and then it still seemed like a whole nother job to put them away.  i had mike put in a tension rod above the washer and dryer in my laundry room- yay! he actually finished something i asked him to do!!! my goal for this is to avoid living out of laundry baskets... i am attempting to pull empty hangars out of my closet and hang them on the rod, and actually fold the laundry as soon as i get it out of the dryer (wow-what a concept), because im more likely to put it directly away if it is folded when it gets to the bedroom rather than have a pile in the basket that still needs folding-that will sit there till i need something from it. im not quite on top of it yet, but im getting there. even a little progress is still progress---smile.
    we are also slowly making progress on the outside of the house too finally! we finished lining the front flower beds with the landscaping bricks that have been sitting in front of the garage for a few months, and mulched it...it looks so much better now...but we recently bought an ass load of mums for the flower beds. ( i am a huge bargain shopper- and i consider myself very resourceful- however this trait combined with the people pleaser, doesnt always lend well to time management and getting the things done that need to be..) our intentions are to actually PLANT them, but sadly alot of that will fall on mike to help me-and it is hard to dig holes in your sleep.  i cross my fingers thatwe can get them planted this week! but even with them just sitting out front, when i pull up to the house i smile, because it looks so pretty. maybe im shallow because appearance is important to me, but oh well. ill be happy as i wade in the shallowness.

so- i think im going to go read a little while i have some quiet time, and maybe just maybe ill actually post again before the week passes...thanks for reading my random ramblings.... till later...

p.s- here is another fun happy tool...instant snow...one of the reasons ive been vaccuuming more- ive been letting courtney play with the snow... it keeps her busy for ever! it really is fun...messy but deffinately worth it. dont be scared to let it snow in your house... the smiles and giggles are priceless.
    

raspberry mornings, missing mojo, and a simple promise

mornings in my house are typically slow and sleepy...i tend to be more of a night owl and sleep as long as possible the next morning. my kids have also been pretty late sleepers. lately due to my shortened patience with my 3 yr old... ive been trying to get the kids in bed earlier giving me an hour or 2 of peace each evening. i admit it has been really nice. i have always been one to internally roll my eyes at other moms who complain about their kids who get up at the crack of dawn, but in turn put them to bed at like 7 oclock... it is a big DUH to me (and im sorry if you are one of those moms), but dont expect to sleep in the morning if you are putting them to bed so early. kudos to those who love mornings that early... my brain doesnt often function then.  so as a result of getting my kids to bed early i in turn have to also not stay up so late so i dont become one of the moms i criticise. my 6 month old however seems to be like clockwork, no matter what time he falls asleep... 7 am rolls around he is awake and ready to get up. ughhh...most of the time... this morning, for one reason or another-still unknown to me (im sure a nap will be in my future today) i was wide awake...about 5 am my daughter crawled into bed with my husband and i and fell back asleep. i love it when she scoots all the way onto my pillow and throws her arm around my neck, forehead to forehead...so we dozed for anothe couple hours...7 rolls around, and ruslting can be heard from the crib in the corner of my room... the kicking of his little legs against the mattress and the little grunts as he rolls his roundness around in there is a happy warning that he is about to yell for someone... but this morning- no yelling- just happy babbling, and a newly learned noise...blowing slobber raspberries... laying in bed with my still drowsy 3 yr old and passed asleep hubby, i had to giggle quietly, as to not wake them... but it was such a happy sound, that i usually wish happened later in the morning...  but this morning was different.
     after an impressive amount of time of him babbling and playing happily by himself, he started to get restless so i got him out of bed...by this time courtney was also awake and her and i had been talking and cuddling still in bed...mike still zombieish and sleeping...lol... so i brought mason to the bed with us... sat him up between me and courtney, his face beaming with smiles for his big sister all up in his face... hearing courtneys radio in her room still playing the peaceful lullabies cd in the background, and the babble and banter of my 2 little ones, pondering the possibilities that the day holds, i realized just how blessed i am... minus my 12 yr old who had already headed out the door for the bus stop i had everything in the world that was most important to me right there.  now- my friends and other family is also very very very important to me, but my heart was right there with me...
  so it was a wonderful start to the day...

now- i feel motivated to get something accomplished in the house today... our plan was to tackle a room a day to get organized... that hasnt started happening yet, but i think today might be the start of a 2 day room...(2 days rather than 1 makes it seem actually possible-not that it is undoable in a day, but lets take baby steps so i dont overwhelm myself and chuck the whole project) the front living room...not a room regularly used in our family, but its not one of those old fashioned never touched just looks pretty rooms either... we have a desk which is a major catch all, couch, chair, wall unit bookshelf, and the front corner is my scrapbooking area, which i might add is laden with inches of dust most likely... something else i really really want to get back into. our wii is in this room also, and im sure it would be used more if we had room to move around in there... the room has become a catch all of itself for clutter that we have shuffled out of other rooms, with the good intentions of getting back to...hah- never happened.  the entertainment center that holds our wii, also houses my photo boxes filled with all our old photos of my childhood, and such...since courtney has started her ballet class, i have recently promised her to find my old ballet picture for her, so that is a goal for me in this room... get it cleaned up, and find that pic for her... and in turn if the room gets done, i can set up my portable table and tackle organizing my scrapbook stuff- any one wanna help ??? lol  maybe my scrapbook mojo that i lst will be found in the clutter of the room... we will soon find out...

so, here is to a hopefully productive day, at least until it is time to go to ballet.  btw- i got my one-minute cleaning book the other day! i was so excited... so many great tips in there that make my house seem very non-daunting, and approachable to get clean and organized!!!

hope everyone has a great day!    till i ramble again...xoxo

girls day, bling rings, and pumpkin seeds

well, it feels like fall is officially here... we survived back to school! the weather is cooling off, and everything is turning brown. my family is harvesting their fields, and the holidays are fast approaching- can you believe it?!!! we have so many things that started recently, its rough trying to get down a routine schedule and try to keep it organized... but amidst the chaos, there is still a "walk through the park feel to everything"- and im so glad...i love seeing the 4 pumpkins that are sitting out front of my house, and i anxiously look forward to getting sloppy and pumpkin seedy this year carving them with the kids. i cant wait to roast the pumpkin seeds. the air is crisp and refreshing.

courtney started gymnastics a couple weeks ago, and ballet this past week... she looks like a little angel standing in her ballet line in her little slippers and leotard... and she has a blast in her gymnastics class- lets get that energy out!!! it makes me happy to watch her accomplishing whatever she is working on in class.  jacob is having fun with football, but i hope and pray he can get it together with school and keep his eligibility. he is growing up so fast- its killing me...where did the innocent little baby go, and where did this preteen kid with some major attitude issues come from...as i try to remember him being little i realize maybe this is a sort of kick in the butt to get me re-motivated to scrapbook again.   mason just turned 6 months old, and is hitting his own milestones with teething, and scooting around, i love watching how much he changes every day.

i actually got to get out of the house the other day too!!! me and a friend had our own girls day out, and i have to say...this needs to happen more often!  i think it helps all around with my happiness goals... being with good friends raises spirits, and of course shopping is always fun with friends... we started the day with our hair... it was an adventure in itself! 4 hours later...hahaha...we made our way out of the house to lunch--- looking cute even though we were sporting the minivan. after lunch and loosing ourself in cheesecake for dessert- and how does cheesecake not make someone happy, we headed to the mall... did some shopping and treated ourselves to a couple chunky fun blingy rings (very much a happy tool)... unfortunately we ran out of time, and our plans to get tattoos had to be postponed... but no worries- more girl days are in the future for sure.

so as i sit here with my blingy rings on...lol... even though they dont match a thing im wearing... i smile.

im soooo looking forward to taking trips to the pumpkin patches, corn mazes, and fall festivals this year... i will miss the warm weather for sure, but will be making deffinate vacation plans for next summer soon... ive been kind of edgy and crabby lately, but im trying to keep it under control...like a semi-happy balance of letting small crap go, and not dwelling on insignificant issues. but im glad i can still appreciate the little things that are all around me with the changing of the season...

so- sorry this post wasnt very insightful, or silly as some of the others, but i hope to post more soon now that we are settling in with our fall schedules, and hopefully getting over the teething fevers...maybe i might get a chance to do some more reading!!! i hope i hope i hope... i need some progress here at home. i did order another book to aid in my home re-organizing... it is just like the one minute organization book except it is about cleaning, im super psyched for it to get here... hahaha- i used to get excited about music, and movies, and toys and such... now i get excited about home appliances and cleaning books...lol   does that mean im getting old?  while i ponder that---enjoy the rest of the weekend......talk to you soon!

a slug, motivation, and imaginary friends

i feel like i have been neglecting my own project... 

i was chatting with a very close friend today over txts discussing how our day was going...,sadly it was like  11 am, and i admited that i hadnt done a single productive thing. i was being lazy as i had been doing for the past oh- week.  she knowing me better than most people asked me "what about your happiness project"-
---it was like a caring slap in the face...lol... i realized a few things at that moment.  one- i get excited to have followers on here...the few that i have...but it amazes me to know that people actually take time out of their own lives to read about my craziness...i hope that at least a teeny bit of what i write about makes them stop and think about themselves, what makes them happy, or just appreciate little things that we overlook so much everyday...   and two- (the biggest one) i am starting to go off track on my own project. how can i fail at somethng i am in complete and total control of... seriously- even though day after day i can get up and do the routine things i do, and feel like a slug, that isnt what i want for myself or as an example for my kids...
today she was what i needed to hold myself accountable for my own actions.  motivation- a major lack-there-of ... 
     why waste my day away when there is soooo much that can be done to reach my goal of more order in my life...will i ever reach that goal- most likely not, but that isnt a bad thing- it is more of a continous thing. something i can always strive for to make me a better person. there is a ginormous amount of satisfaction when i get something organized, even if i know it wont stay that way- for example my 12 yr old dresser drawers. but at least it is a moment out of my day i can smile and feel accomplished...lol its getting started that is difficult. what motivates you?

as i started straightening up my house, i found myself wandering... id start in one room- have a plan- then while putting something away into another room, i started an entirely different task in the new room, not having the first one finished... thus not really getting any of them accomplished entirely... so tomorrow i am going to try to start in one room and take a basket to put things in that go elsewhere in the house, resulting in me not leaving the room till the task at hand is done... lets see how that works... the second hurdle to this goal will be actually putting away the misplaced items and not leaving them in the basket!...lol 
i have tried making to-do lists... for some reason they work for me for like a day, then i never look at them the next day- if i didnt want to do the stuff listed that day, i know im not going to want to do them the next, explaining the reason they arent done yet!!! i need a solution to this issue i think. maybe if i organize my thoughts better the actual organizing will come easier too...

now- i actually started back in the book into the friends section... not through it completely yet, but sometime soon i want to start something that gretchen also began- keeping track of my friends better... so many times i find myself saying to someone i run into from growing up, and the conversation inevitably ends with us saying something like "we should have lunch and catch up, or call me and we can get the kids together" all of which is said with the best intentions but it is well known but not admitted that it isnt going to happen... and it is all due to lack of effort for me! i have really great friends, but i never see them... or maybe i should say i HAD really great friends, but i have been a terrible friend in reality. i really really want to make an effort to have the occasional lunch to catch up, or meet at the park with the kids.  gretchen started with birthdays, and i started thinking bout that too... i love to scrapbook, craft and make cards... what better way to do both... make cards and send them!  aagain... good intentions... i do need a bit more organization but ill work on it...

here is my happy tool for the day- i have been watching courtney play recently, she has now began playing with imaginary friends... it is so funny to listen to her talk to them... i used to have them too... i think alot of us still do, we just call it something else... the voice in our head that helps us make decisions, or tells us, go ahead buy that chocolate! i think we all need that everynow and then... (not just the chocolate)

thanks for reading... feel free to share with friends... ! (no- really- id love more comments, or even people to tell me im totally nuts) till i ramble again.... good night!

blue ribbons, pie thiefs, and slobber baths

This past summer i expanded my horizons, and tried my hand at making jams, and baking for my aunts produce stand... i experience a produce auction and got hooked, earned my first blue ribbon at the county fair (5 actually!!!), and decided it was time to do something about my mess...lol  ambitious but im so glad i did it!

the wall of jams, jellies, and preserves

I have come to realize that i really like cooking, and am slowly adding to my collection of gooseberry patch cookbooks...they are wonderful...they are great for the farmers market finds!  i am also realizing that i really really miss scrapbooking, and need to get back scrapping again! these 2 hobbies paid off at this years county fair... now, i have never entered any individual items in a fair before, and was super psyched to see that i actually won some ribbons!!! i entered 4 jams... 2 of them didnt place at all, but 2 got blue ribbons!!!  i was so excited, i jumped up and down squealing like a little girl! not too shabby for my first year making jams!!! scrapbooking also paid off... it is one of my passions, and hopefully i will be starting a blog about that too sometime, but i entered 3 layouts this year, and woohoo... all 3 got blue ribbons!!! it really helps in the "lets get re-motivated" area! 

    other entries were in crafts- i entered a barn star that i decoupaged with family pics- which took a second place red ribbon, and i entered 12 photos in the photography categories... didnt snag any top places, but 7 of them got honorable mention ribbons!!!  the past couple years i have dabbled in senior pics... did my cousins and then a friend of his at the time... they all turned out great, and i hope to do more in the future...maybe even a wedding or 2... we will see... 

    the funny part of the fair happened at this years baking contest... i entered again with my aunt- the theme was pecan pies... everyone had to follow the same recipe, which in itself baffled me- wont they all taste pretty much the same? duh? apparently not... didnt win this year either, but will keep trying... but here is how it went... there were 20 entries... each entry is given a number... there are 3 judges... a little lady cuts a piece from each pie... each judge tastes each piece and scores it... after the judges taste one piece, it is set on top of the pie case that they are behind- in order of their number... sounds simple enough... the end result is a line of half eaten pieces of pie... upon the judges tasting number 16, the lady noticed a space where one of the pieces sat... here a little old man had taken one and walked off eating it... funny thing was it was my aunts!!!   why he would think they were giving half eaten pies as samples is beyond me, but he was content eating it with his fingers...lol... all the judges and the small gathering of observers got a good laugh... 

there is a certain atmosphere at county fairs that is a laid back, enjoy life kind of aire... seeing baby animals, fried fair food, (when else it is acceptable to eat that and not feel guilty?)  watching carnies set up their games and rides, and taking a step into country life and out of the city bustle for a day...  i already cant wait for another one!

so ive taken a few days off from my book im reading, but am anxious to start it again... im over the friend section intimidation now... i am now hoping to be able to relate to gretchens thoughts and become a better friend myself... i ordered a copy of the book for one of my best friends, and am so excited for her to get it... i hope she likes it as much as i do... its nice to share experiences with someone...  i think it will also help hold me more accountable for my goals. my next goal is to buy her little boy some playdough!!! lol... which by the way courtney has played with every day since that post!!! and can you believe it, im still alive...lol

speaking of courtney- she started gymnastics this week too... and let me tell you, i loved watching every minute of it. she has never gone to preschool or been in any structured activity really, and i was a little nervous to know how she would do, but she did great...and now our little blue tumbling mat has become a part of out living room, and we get pretty constant sommersault entertainment... no matter how many times she wants to show me, i am determined to watch, and be excited for her.

football is going well for jacob, and he is plugging away at school so far. i am more proud of him now than i have ever been... he is really showing incredible improvement now that he is in middle school... unfortunately my fear of him growing up is starting to get to me... lol. just today while napping with mason, i had an awful dream of him having an accident when he starts driving... so- he isnt allowed...       ...    ....    ...... oh ok... fine, i guess he can, but he isnt allowed to drive a little green neon with a sunroof...lol. dont ask- it is my warped mind and the crazy dreams it has.  

mason is growing by leaps and bounds, but today he was very needy and wanted to be held most of the day... he ran a slight temp most of the day, and his tummy was a bit upset... he is entering the lovely phase of teething... i can honestly say i dont think i have ever seen more slobber come from a baby than i did today...it was dripping down his arms off his elbows, and of course i was covered after holding him, but i cant turn down cuddles and baby kisses... even if i had to have a towel nearby to dry off after my bath... luckily the little guy is happy through it all so far... 

got to get back on track with my happiness project for myself, so here is to happy reading, and rambling again soon!!!

hot slides, prince charming, and bottled serenity

Morning ! hope everyone slept well because i didnt... woke up about every hour and a half for no apparent reason... and im really not an early morning person, but if i sleep good, i do actually like mornings... there is something peaceful about mornings... when the world is just waking up...the quietness- you know the one before the 12 yr old busts out the door feeling like he is running late cause he fell back asleep, the dog that instantly needs to go out when he hears the front door open,  and then the baby starts talking to himself and anyone listening through the baby monitor in his own little babble "um, hello mother... im here and im hungry" and occasionally the ka-thud of the 3 yr old who rolled over and fell out of my bed that she has crawled up into late at night or earlier this morning. she is stealth i swear some mornings... youd never know how she mysteriously appears next to me...lol...

yesterday i did manage to take a walk with mason and courtney to the park that is about 2 blocks down from us... we pulled out the double stroller and left. it was a bit warmer than i expected, so i didnt figure we would stay out long... but we got there and courtney got to swing for a little bit. the big slide on the playground was hot so the one time she went down it, was the last time she went down it. i couldnt convince her- the girl who loves slides, and all things playground- to try again. we even tried mason in a swing... still a little too small but made for a cute pic anyway.

so after we played for a little bit, we decided to take a walk through the park too, to see where the path led us, since ive never been.  the path itself didnt go too far, but there was a trail- brilliant me thought ok, we can try it, the stroller pushed easily through the playground mulch, and the trail looked similar...yeah- no- not quite as easy... ha!  but we forged ahead . mason was so content laying in the stroller watching the trees go by. he loves being outside. courtney enjoyed looking for squirrels, and birds. we even saw a toad or frog, not sure which one- that she decided to name prince charming.

it was really nice walking through the woods... there is a calm... a quiet serenity that overtakes you. almost like time stops and you dont have cares or worries for a moment- you know some people want to bottle up the energy from a spastic child, but i think id rather bottle this amazing serenity... i need more moments like this in my day...where i can just take a deep breath and really appreciate my surroundings. i have to learn to stop every now and then and reassure myself that things will be alright- even if the living room toys are overwhelming me, and the laundry is sitting in baskets all over the bedroom. i have to tell myself that the world isnt coming to an end because no one seems to know how to change the roll of toilet paper, or replace it for that matter, or courtneys clothes get covered in sidewalk chalk because a budding artist has been hard at work...i have to remember to just breathe.

so one of my efforts in my happiness project is going to be- try to infuse each day with a little moment of serenity, where i take a deep breath and notice things that i would have missed being busy. what is a few minutes going to take away from the day?right?

well, after we got back from our hike, which is what it felt like- i thought i was gonna die. 2 kids in a big stroller isnt lightweight, especially uphill through mulch. we chilled out in the dining room and colored... 2 things off the kid to-do list checked!  and it really was nice to see courtney get excited when i offered our plans... and to my amazement she was better behaved yesterday than she has been lately...i guess that tells me i need to pay more attention to my kids- kind of a slap in the face to quit being so selfish i guess...

for now, im going to go rock mason , and enjoy his stinky piggies, share some mommy/mason time before courtney wakes up, then see what today holds...

im sure i will ramble again later...:)

crabby boys

you know it is extremely hard to try to be happy when you have a couple of grouchy, short tempered guys in the house...ughhh.  

puffy stickers, junk drawers, and carol burnett

when i was little, my mom and i lived at my grandmas house. this morning while i was laying in bed, i was thinking about things i remember about being there...these things may not intrest anyone reading this, but my grandma had a big window in her dining room that she had plants on, and at the holidays she would decorate the window seat with her christmas village... it was like a magical little wonderland that would captivate my interest to just stand there and look in wonder... why this popped into my head- who knows...

her bedroom was on the bottom floor of the house, and in the middle of the day, we would get a snack, and go flop...lol... her term for going and laying across the bed on our bellies and watch t.v....namely the carol burnett show... the way her room was set up was that if you lay across the bed you could look right out her windows into the side yard... and see the cherry tree, the cars going by the neighbors house, etc...  i think i will have to pick up a copy of the carol burnett show, i remember laughing so hard with her, even though im not sure i even understood some of the funnies in the show, but more so just getting tickled over her laughing so hard... laughing is contagious! 

another thing that sticks in my mind was the top drawer of her dresser- it was one of those shallow, jewerly like drawers... mostly that collected junk and this and thats... but it was like a treasure trove for me to explore... i think as i de-clutter things around here, i need to relocate all the little junkie stuff to one location for treasure exploring later...

my mom and i lived in the upstairs of that house- which to this day i love that house, and would love to go through it again... so many memories there... but upon going upstairs and turning to the right, you would find my room...but on the back of my door you would find my sticker collection...lol... maybe this was a tell tale sign that i would one day be an avid scrapbooker and still find delight in stickers, but i loved them... there was scratch and sniffs, which im sure looked pretty silly to stand and sniff a door, character stickers, i remember a few smurfs, and some rainbow bright... but my favorite were puffy stickers... a big yellow smilie face one imparticular... courtney also loves stickers, so maybe i need to find something like a blank journal book or notebook for her to put stickers in too... because usually her stickers go on her shirts and then she takes them off and they end up in the trash... because mommy wont let her stick them on furniture... lol...

why my brain decides to reminisce at 6.am  is beyond me, especially since i have a killer headache, i will never know, but i thought i should write it all down while i was thinking about it (well type it ) ... and now i hear my little man in his bed talking away... guess id better go make him some cereal, and probably start a to-do list...  have a great day!

happy list:

• puffy stickers
• carol burnett
• junky treasure drawers

unhappy list:

• migraines
• having to get up 3 times since 2 am to pee...
• stubbing your toe on the cabinet in the kitchen while looking for headache medicine

duct tape, happy people, and baby kisses

my oldest son is now 12... almost a teenager... it scares me to death, but i suppose ill get through it.. we get on him alot about being annoying making stupid sounds constantly, and of course the ongoing issue of his messy room...which yes it is dissorderly, but it could be alot worse... but since ive been thinking more about making the most of my kids childhood- since they wont be little forever- and he is not so little anymore...ive come to realize that it isnt so important to constantly be on him about it... its his room, why does it bother me so badly. now- im not going to let it get too out of hand. because he needs to have some responsibility in life for his belongings. but the crap he has in his room gets on my nerves, and i dont think it should... for example, he is in this mode of wanting to make stuff with duct tape...where my husband and i think it is ridiculous and stupid, i am trying to be sensitive to his feelings, and not roll my eyes too much in front of him...and im about to break down and buy him a roll of it just because...i have to keep reminding myself, and my husband that things that are stupid to us, are not so stupid to a 12 yr. old... i remember collecting gum wrappers, to make chains- a collection that served no real purpose and i thought it was pretty cool... im sure my mom thought it was dumb too...

    i really think that if i not let the little things get to me like stressing over junky stuff in jakes room, it will help me be happier in general and make the days a little happier for my kids too.

since jacob has started middle school, he also gets to start going to youth group at church... i actually got out of bed and got the kids ready to go to church this morning! we havent been there since like mothers day...mostly because i tend to be a night owl since mike works nights, and i am lazy and dont want to get up in the mornings.  but when i do go, i feel so much better afterwards... and i truly enjoy seeing people that go to my church... especially the happy ones...lol   you know those people that always seem happy, and just being around them tends to brighten your day...that is how the youth group leaders are...dave and mandy are so super nice, and always seem happy, greeting you with smiles and friendly faces... then there is my friend diane, she always makes me smile... it is so true a statement that if you surround yourself with happy people, you will be happier too.  they are the kind of people that i strive to be like. thought it really saddened me to hear that my always happy friend diane had been feeling blue lately, i never imagined it possible...and the people pleaser in me came busting out pulling out a little cheer me up kind of book for her... so why cant i do that for myself when i feel depressed?   depression really stinks... i am completely unmotivated to do anything, i cant seem to make decisions easily, and everything seems to get onmy nerves... all i want to do is sleep...   then is when i need the crotchety old woman to jump out of me and smack me in the face and tell me that im wasting away the blessings i have in my life... i need to implement one of gretchens rules... act the way i want to feel! 

back to my blue friend for a second... i gave her a book that i have had since college... it was 10,000 things to be happy about... basically it is pages and pages of little things, simple things, to be happy about...(some things wont apply to everyone, but others will) like- the smell of fresh cut grass, or bright colored kites in a bright blue sky, or making snow angels... just a few examples...  i had highlighted different random things in it but i havent read it in years... so i think im going to start my own list, some of which im sure are in that book somewhere, but these are things i think ill start listing at the end of my posts- things that have popped into my head sometime during that day for any reason- today for some reason, i just couldnt get enough of masons baby kisses... of course at 5 months he cant really kiss, but he opens his little slobbery mouth and smooshes it on my cheek...they are so sweet, and he gets so tickled! it makes me smile just thinking about it...

my happy list:

• baby kisses
• gumballs in a machine- like a miniature ball pit!
• my button basket- hundreds of buttons in a basket for crafting, love running my fingers through it
• satin ribbon
• farmers markets

i wish i had a record button for all the random thoughts that shoot through my head during the day, because i never remember everything i want to blog. oh well- be thankful, your boredom would last forever! lol...
till i ramble again...goodnight!

powdered sugar donuts, bathtub crayons, and sweet dreams

hey followers! the 6 that i have!!! and random readers. havent had a chance to read much the past couple days, ok, that isnt entirely true, i did manage to read a little in the organization book i have... only because im in a mood to go through and declutter after reading that section in the happiness project book... anyone get a copy yet???  well anyway, the little book is called  "The one-minute organizer: 500 tips for getting your life in order"  we will see about that...lol... it is actually a cute little helpful book...full of tips and ideas that really we all should do, but probably dont...  its one of those things that makes me feel good once it is done, but i dread starting it...- organizing... i love all the organizational bins and baskets that you can get at the stores, and i dream of one day really and truly being organized- you know like all those fake houses on t.v....
    my house seems to collect piles of things, papers, toys migrate, shoes end up everywhere, but the worst is my kitchen- i HATE my counters in my kitchen being cluttered... things get set down with the intentions of being moved, but never seem to get moved... the bad thing is, i cant stand being in my kitchen when it is cluttered... dont want to cook, dont want to do dishes, nothing- and i really like cooking, and baking... dishes dont bother me really as long as i have a counter to put them on.  every morning i get up and no matter how clean my kitchen is the night before, inevitably things appear on the counters... which starts me off on a sour note for the day.  boo on happy mornings... but oh well...
    so, back to my happiness book... i have to admit, another reason i havent read as much in it lately is the upcoming section... this next part of the book is when she focuses on friends... havent read it yet, but before i even start it, i can feel the guilt approaching... it is another one of those good intentions issues...but not following through because of different sorry reasons... its like the fun has been sucked out of me as i get older... that inner child that wants to come out and play is being beat to death by the old woman who will emerge sooner than she needs to.  i have a couple of friends who i call my best friends, one lives in another state, (which really sucks!!!!! cause we are soooo much alike and could really use each others shoulders at times) and the other doesnt live too far from me, but works full time and has 2 boys of her own, and we only get to see each other once or twice a month... then i have a handful of other friends that i talk to on occasion, but dont really ever see... i dont ever go out and hang out with friends like id like to, but im ok with it. i would love to make time each month to do something like that because i think everyone needs to, but life always seems to get in the way. then i have a few friends that i have always been close to growing up, and have really grew apart from, which is sad. i still feel like the same person i was when i was younger, but i know im not.    so being the emotional wreck i am right now anyway- i hesitate to start reading this next section.

i have been pondering my last post alot... trying to think back on my own childhood and what things really stick out as good memories growing up... i so badly wish for my kids the same kinds of memories...not ones like mom was grumpy, and we didnt do all the fun stuff my friends did...  unfortunately some of the memories i have growing up through my teen years kinda sucked...my parents were pretty strict, and i always had alot of chores(which isnt a bad thing- but mine was a bit extreme) and even my friends back then knew i wasnt allowed to do alot... i do love remembering good stuff like my grandma coming over every morning to take me and my neighbor to school (elementary) and she would bring me a chocolate eclair from a local bakery.  or my mom every night would tuck us in and put sweet dreams under our pillows...this was a happy thing that continued through college minus the tucking in part- silly maybe, but she would send little plastic containers full of nothing but marked "sweet dreams" and it never failed to make me smile... and then i realized i started doing that with courtney when she started sleeping in her big girl bed, but for reasons unknown to me, i stopped... there is that crotchety old woman sneaking into me again, and filling me full of bedtime bah humbugs... so a mental note to myself- find a spare box of sweet dreams to give out every night to my kids...

here is something fun that is well worth the 10.00 investment- bathtub crayons... courtney gets soooo grubby and dirty from playing outside and one of her favorite things to do is play with sidewalk chalk- which ends up on everything...       we have 2 full bathrooms in our house but only one we can shower in currently... the bathtub for the other one is brand new and sitting on end in the other bathroom. and until it is installed, (anyone feel like installing a bathtub? for free? or for dinner? or even a case of beer?)  we have to use the shower in the other bathroom... personally i love baths, and i loved baths as a child... bubbles, bubbles, and more bubbles... but bathtub crayons are great to draw on shower walls with! courtney loves drawing pictures for daddy so when he takes a shower later he can see her artwork. well, i have found another use for them...they make great messages on mirrors! i can scribble reminders on the mirror, or leave little notes for mike. (be them nice- or not so pleasant...lol) or if you are like me, i still like drawing pictures and doodles on the shower walls too...finally the inner child can come out, she needs to take showers too!

and last but not least- same basis as the hungry hungry hippo game... powdered sugar donuts... i usually steer clear of them, because im a lazy ogre and i try to avoid messes...well i bought some tonight! lol... and i smiled when i did it! despite the knowledge of the white mess that will await me, it made me happy because i know the kids will love eating them. and maybe we will even bust out the playdough tomorrow too!

btw- i think the makers of lucky charms needs to package the marshmallows from the cereal into snack packs... courtney asks for cereal to eat dry as a snack and i tell her she needs to eat the other part too, but it never fails- the cereal part sits in the bowl while the marshmallows magically dissappear...

oh well- someone will suggest it, and probably get rich...lol...

till i ramble again...thanks for reading.

catching up generally

i am about halfway through the book, and still love everything about it. my blog posts are going to be random, so bear with me...this is how my mind tends to work...randomly-  lol.

Gretchen has this list of secrets of adulthood that she has learned along the way... and there are a few that i came to accept as things i really really need to improve on myself... here they are-
~ happiness doesnt always make you feel happy
~what you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while
~you dont have to be good at everything
~by doing a little each day, you can get alot accomplished

i am generally a happy person... i try not to dwell on negative things, i have a beautiful family, a modest house, we arent wealthy, but we make do with what we have.  i have learned to not worry about things i have no real control over, and not let too many things bother me. i guess im a believer in "what will be will be"  its like that serenity prayer..."Lord grant me the serenity to accept things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can, and wisdom to know the difference"  
    I am the only person i can really change... i cant change other people except in the fact that if i am a happier person, it might help others be happier too. i can be a positive role model for my kids and hope they choose to be happy in their own life, and what more can i wish for them. 
    when my mom died, i went into a depression, that i still deal with to this day... she was my best friend, and i miss her terribly...but i cant change the fact that she is gone now, but i can live happier knowing she would want me to. so many times i will see something or hear a song that reminds me of her, and instead of crying and moping about in sadness that she isnt here with me, i smile remembering why that song, or that thing reminds me of her.  i have to rely on my faith that there is a greater reason that she is gone, and maybe one day i will know that reason. 

what you do every day matters more than what you do every once in a while-  routines, telling my family i love them, cleaning up clutter in my house, playing with my kids... a few things that struck me right away...just yesterday on the way to the doctor we saw a car accident where a car slammed into the back of a semi truck that was stopped at a red light... my husband and i both thought there was no way that driver survived by the looks of the car... luckily she did, but i wondered if she had told her family she loved them before she left the house...knowing that could be the last time she saw them...

happiness doesnt always make you feel happy- big one- hard to come to terms with... this is something that came into play with my marriage,and some bad decisions that i still am not going to go into... but i am happily married. does my husband always make me happy- no. i have come to accept that...lol i love him for who he is, and i cant change that. im sure im no peach to live with and i need to try to not be so grouchy with my family. but i am happy with being a fruit salad...

by doing a little each day, you can get alot accomplished- this is something that is going to be on my to do list every day soon... i have a book that i bought a long time ago, something like the 15 minute organizer, or something along those lines...   my house is a catch all for everything... we have clutter in every room, and i hate it. i grew up in a house that we kept clean most always...i mean it was chore after chore...i tend to look at the mess now, and feel no motivation to do it because there is soooo much to do... so i have started a to-do list and will keep adding to it, be it little tasks or big tasks, and work on the list a little at a time... i , like gretchen feel a sense of accomplishment when i can cross things off a list as done...

you dont have to be good at everything is one i have issues with... i like to be good at everything i do... it is a sad flaw, but i dont like to half ass anything. you wouldnt know it by looking at my mess of a house, but i have always liked the saying   if it is worth doing, it is worth doing well... im very competetive. i thrive on recognition, and praise...again another flaw. man i have alot of thing i need to work on...

till i ramble more in a few minutes...

just smile and nod, bandaids, and chocolate

went to bed last night with the beginning of a killer headache, so took some migraine meds... woke up this morning as if i hadnt taken any at all... it really sucked... my head hurt all morning. i worked at the corn stand today, and was on the verge of tears a couple times. Eventually it felt better after a mega dose of motrin, but it was tough.  through it all this morning, i was able to read some more, and think alot. my brain goes into overdrive on the way anywhere, and it was a day that i wished i had a wifi card on my comp, cause i was dying to blog!
 today was beautiful this morning, and a few things hit me... summer is almost over, and fall is fast approaching... then i started thinking about how lazy i have been with my kids this summer. i just finished reading the section of the book that talked about fun, and having more of it. time flies by so fast it seems anymore, and you know the saying, seize the day... well i need to enjoy the moment more. i need to relish in the little things, and treasure the childhood wonders around me...
    while sitting in the tent today, courtney- who accompanied me, was sitting next to me looking up at the sky, and pointed out a cloud that looked like a car... and before i almost automatically said something like "uh huh, thats nice" like i really didnt care, i stopped myself and actually looked at it. i used to love watching clouds, and let my imagination take over. i felt instantly guilty and a little sad inside for having brushed off so many of these little moments.  so i told her "you are so right, it does" and the smile that came over her face lit up my heart...
     lately courtney has been begging to play hungry hungry hippos, a game that in childhood is so very fun, but in adulthood, it tends to be noisy, and annoying... i keep putting her off and i know i roll my eyes when she asks to get it out... i have to stop this... i dont want my kids to grow up remembering the fun we didnt have...really is the hippo game going to kill me...no. is it fun/...it actually is a blast watching her squeal with delight while her hippo gobbles up the marbles before mine.
    so many times i have wanted to take the kids to the park, or a new place to explore, only to avoid going due to a lack of motivation or not wanting to drive there... how selfish of me to deprive them of a fun day.
i love making people happy, so why is it any different with my family? 

this brought me to another thought that totally relates to the corn stand... occasionally we get a customer who usually is of elderly status, who doesnt seem to want to leave...they just stand there talking and talking... and i began to think... maybe they are lonely, and need someone to talk to, or maybe they just enjoy sharing their stories, and wisdoms, even if learning about paw-paws isnt on the top of my to do list. so i am determined to listen, smile and nod... what is a few minutes of my time-right? rather than brush them off and hurry them along, even with a ginormous headache throbbing in my head, i will act happy and interested in everyone they used to know that lives nearby my familys house...knowing they appreciate a friendly ear... and as they leave i actually do feel a tiny bit happier that i helped make someones day. 

my daughter is 3 yrs old, and very active...and just like many other little people, every tiny bump, bruise, scratch, or scrape becomes a tradgedy needing a band aid... i think i need to take stock in band aids... and lately ive noticed myself rolling my eyes, bothered with this issue every time she is teary and demanding one because it is soooo frequent...  does every little scratch need a band aid? no- i know this... i try to tell a 3 yr old this- why because im a stupid adult and let insignificant little things interfere with the big nothing that is going on at the time. band aids make her feel better... im this way with chocolate...it doesnt cure anything bothering me, but it makes me feel better.
    so i am going to make a conscious effort to take part in more tea party picnics, hungry hungry hippo games, and cloud watching... buy more bandaids and maybe a little chocolate (lol)...and offer a listening ear to the passer-bys that stop for produce, and live in the moment and enjoy the little things i tend to take for granted.

Be Chrissy

How hard could it be... be myself... the first of her 12 commandments is Be gretchen... how simple yet undone it is for me.

in order for me to find what truly makes me happy, i need to know who i am... who am i and who am i not?
who would i like to be? who do i try to be? why do i wish i am who im not? 

i am not: a perfect mom, a very organized person, a great housekeeper, a writer- i can pretty much spell and my gramar isnt bad, but i dont implement them in my typing, i am not a partier- thats one of those things, that sometimes i wish i could be-go out and live it up on the town, but its just not my thing,i am not athletic at all- my athleticism consists of watching it on tv.,  i am terrible with directions-give me landmarks and im ok, i am horrible with math, my time management skills need work...this list could go on, but id rather focus on the i ams...

i am: a good mom, a decent housekeeper- we dont live in filth, just dust..., i am creative, i love music, i am a people pleaser- i like making others happy, even if it results in less happiness for me., i hate confrontation, i cry easily, i am emotional, i am very co-dependent, i am a perfectionist to an extent, i would say im an overachiever, im competetive, im a bargain shopper, i love goodwill and garage sales,i am addicted to facebook- im working on that one,  i like movies, but cant watch really scary ones, and not a fan of the dark- both stemming from losing my mom, i am a christian but i am intrigued by the supernatural, i am overweight and hate it,i am a scrapbooker-very behind i must say,  i am nosey, and inquisitive...

this list can go on and on too, but it is a start... i plan on disecting it later sometime.

here is something else i am- im tired... it feels like it has been a long day and im going to bed...

till i ramble again...

in a nutshell

well, now that you know kind-of what im blogging about, maybe you should know more about what the book is about... Gretchen(the author) basically breaks down a year by the months and designates each month to an area of her life to focus on, has a list of , you could call them rules or guidelines, she calls them 12 commandments that she trys to live by, and tries to implement different things to help her be happier with her life. 

i unfortunately am not that organized. i would love to be, and think i appear to be at times, but structure was never my strong point in school, i couldnt take notes in a nice orderly manner, and really im still not. so, my goal with this is not to focus on something each month(at least not yet- maybe not ever), but more to take her experience and implement things in my own life that might make a little more happiness and order in my chaotic house.  through the few chapters i have read so far, i have realized that i take alot of the little things for granted that i never realized. 

So here is the big question  that was posed in the book- What is happiness?  Seems like a simple enough question... but in truth it is really really difficult for me to answer... i can say things that make me happy, or at least i think make me happy, and i can say things that might make me happy, but really what makes me happy?  (note: at times, i probably will ramble, and make no sense at all to you, but living in my brain the rambling makes a little bit of sense.)
-my kids make me happy...and crazy...but happy nonetheless
-a clean house makes me happy...it is rarely clean...but someday...
-the weather we have been having: warm, but breezy, and sunny, mild in general
-walking through the farmers market today made me happy...the colors, and smells
-books...i love books
-satin ribbons and tags like inside clothes...silly maybe, but rubbing them relaxes me
     there are so many more things, but those are just a few...

And now i ask- what makes you happy? i would love to hear comments and answers.

She ( the author) also has a list of secrets of adulthood that she made... basically like realizations...i love these... one of them is - Whats fun for you, may not be fun for other people... and in the same sense What make one person happy, may not make another person happy...

On my quest, i hope to come to some of my own realizations, and figure out more of what makes me happy.  along the way, i really hope this doesnt make me seem egotistical, and selfish, but if it does...deal with it...lol.

till my next rambling...

The Book- my beginning

Well, since i am about to enter the world of blogging, i thought i would tell you why i have decided to. first a little about me i guess would help...
      i am a 32 yr old stay at home mom of 3 beautiful kids of 12, 3, and 5 months. been married to my husband for 9 yrs now this past june. we have been through alot, as have most couples, but most of ours id say have stemmed around my bad decisions. yet, he has stood beside me through them all when he could have givin up on me, and i am grateful for that. maybe ill go into that more another time, but not now.
      i lost my mom and best friend 10 yrs ago, and i miss her terribly. it was a very stressful relationship at times, but id take back all the stress and grief to have her back. losing her has made me grow up in alot of ways i didnt think i was ready for but we do what we have to.
     i started college after highschool, but withdrew my second year to come home and have my first baby. I was a single pre-mom through my pregnancy and lived with my mom. I met my husband when my son was 1 1/2 months old, (enter Brad Paisley's song- He didnt have to be)
     so, after 3 kids, 2 dogs (now 1), and 1 marriage- with all the bumps along the way which will most likely surface on here eventually, here we are blogging...

I have started reading the most incredible book called  The Happiness Project by, Gretchen Rubin...you have to pick up a copy...it is about the authors drive to make herself a happier person, and the year she devoted to it- how she went about it,and what she learned, I am not real far into it yet, but every page has made me smile, and really evaluate myself, and my life...    at this point in my life i dont really consider myself unhappy, but there are deffinatelly things i can improve upon that would make me a happier person...this book has really opened my eyes to alot of things... so i have decided to do my own happiness project as i read the book... this blog is too help me be more accountable and document my effort. hopefully i will keep up on it fairly regularly... if you are actually reading this, you will either find the inner workings of my mind humorous, interesting, or incredibly boring... no matter- here we go... happy reading